People cannot tell you how long you should grieve...6 months...year...however long it takes...

Everybody‘s grieving process is different. It is not one way to grieve and it is not always in the order of how most individuals says it is suppose to be. According to standard grieving processing...the first stage is shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing and acceptance. My husband passed on May 7, 2020 it has been almost 8 months since his passing...and my emotions with his death are still everywhere. My first set of emotions were fight or flight. Meaning considering that we have children six of them in total...mind you. Now some are grown and the rest depend on me for direction, finances, personally their being their uber...etc. But, my beautiful man worked in the steel mills for 21 years, and pretty much prepared me for the “just in case“ syndrome. Example...”Baby just in case something happened to me...this is what you do...who you call...where to go. That is exactly what I did...I hit the ground running making phone calls to everyone...life insurance...401(K) etc...He was such a gentle giant and truly a family man always making sure everything was in its proper place and his family was straight.


Well...unexpectedly and surprisingly that day came...by fault of hospital(for another blog article) needless to say I definitely was in the first stage of grief...SHOCKED! When I came home from the hospital that early morning...I had to face my children to tell them the shocking news which I already knew wasn’t going to be at all good. In fact, my oldest brother(which I called him on the way to the hospital) telling him what was going on with my husband and the hospital calling me telling me it was a “code blue“ with my beautiful big man💔. Needless to say, instead of my oldest brother allowing me to tell my children what was going on...he decides to go onto Facebook and announce my husband’s passing. Like what?! Why in God’s name would you do that?!!! I pulled up into my driveway and heard my children screaming and crying at the top of their lungs in disbelief. My heart was already shattered...but it went from shattered to grains of pieces onto the ground. I thank God for my second oldest son that followed me home...actually met me at the hospital and we consoled one another. As I entered the our home...it was screams unimaginable...and them asking me “mom?!! mom is it true”? Did dad die?! Mind you...my dad who lived with us for two years...just passed Feburary 12, 2020 two and half months before my husband.💔🥲 So we are all still dealing with grief of my poppa passing unexpectedly...now shockingly my husband...my babies dad. I could go on and on...the rest will be in my book. Let no one tell you that you are grieving to long. I will say do not get stuck...it has not been easy emotionally and mentally for me at all. But, I still push forward only by the grace of the God I serve and knowing that my kiddos need me. So, what I do is dance to entertain them with some of the music I grew up of in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s...and trust me they all get a kick out of it. Lol! I do too...I also keep up with the latest dances as well. Talking to them...counseling them...loving on them and just letting them express themselves...talking it all out to me. Some days I don‘t know how I make it except it is only by my faith in God that keep me. Yes, even after all the drastic trauma...sometimes I don‘t want to go in that direction...but it is no one that can bring me joy or peace like HIM. I would also admonish anyone to seek a professional therapist for yourself and family when you have gone through a traumatic expierence like I and my family have gone through. We are still in the beginning of our healing...but I took time out to tell someone...do not feel pressured to rush your healing...just don‘t quit and please whatever you do...please don’t stop pushing.


Author,

Tiffani Madkins

Email: Dorthylee95@gmail.com

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